Kidmed

Zitat

If You Open Your Mind Too Much, Your Brain Will Fall Out (Take My Wife)

If anyone can show me one example in the history of the world of a single
Psychic who has been able to prove under reasonable experimental conditions that they are able to read minds

And if anyone can show me one example in the history of the world of a single
Astrologer who has been able to prove under reasonable experimental conditions that they can predict future events by interpreting celestial signs

And if anyone can show me one example in the history of the world of a single
Homeopathic Practitioner who has been able to prove under reasonable experimental conditions that solutions made of infinitely tiny particles of good stuff dissolved repeatedly into relatively huge quantities of water has a consistently higher medicinal value than a similarly administered placebo

And if anyone can show me one example in the history of the world of a single
spiritual person who has been able to prove either logically or empirically the existence of a higher power that has any consciousness or interest in the human race or ability to punish or reward humans for there moral choices or that there is any reason - other than fear - to believe in any version of an afterlife

I will give you my piano, one of my legs, and my wife

Zitat

So you're gonna live in Paradise,
With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins.
So you're gonna live in Paradise,
With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins,
So you're gonna sacrifice your life
For a ride on a UFO,
And when the Lord comes down with his shimmering chariot of salvation,
You're gonna be the first to know.

And so if...
God was there from the very beginning
He invented men and women,
Then He also invented wanking,
Then He said wanking was sinning.
So if I'm feeling randy
I'm not allowed to hand-shandy,
But having sex with my family,
That is just fucking great.
It's all there in Ezekial 8,
Just before He opens up His big pearly gate,
And says that it's a sin
To take it up the date,
Even if it's great,
Even with your mate.

So you're gonna live in Paradise,
With a ten-foot cock and few hundred virgins,
So you're gonna sacrifice your life
For a shot at the greener grass,
And when the Lord comes down
With his shimmering rod of judgement,
He's gonna kick my heathen arse.

So if you...
Cover the bodies of your women
Everybody is grinning,
Because black is so slimming,
Though it's not great for swimming.
But it gives me an erection,
With the increased sexual tension,
What with the U.V. protection
That is second to none.
You'll find it all in the Quran
Just next to the bit that justifies guns,
And says that it's a sin
To take it up the bum,
Even if it's fun,
Even in the scrum.

So you're gonna live in Paradise
With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins,
So you're gonna sacrifice your life
For a shot at eternity,
And when the Lord comes down
And I haven't done my penance,
He's gonna disembowel me.

You say that...
If I...
Stumbled on a watch I'd assume it had a watchmaker,
That a muffin presupposes a baker,
So you must agree sooner or later,
That this proves that there's a creator.
So if I put my foot in a stinker,
You'd assume the existence of a sphincter,
Thus you don't need to be a great thinker
To coclude that God's a bum,
Which negates the words of Genesis 1
Which made Him out to be so much fun,
Until Adam succumbed
To temptation,
And then His only son
Got nailed to a gum,
Or the Middle-Eastern equivalent,
Which suggests that God's omniscience
Is nullified by His ambivilance,
Unless it turns out that He's impotent,
And if God can't get a boner,
I guess that explains the plethora
Of huge erections in His honour -
Because we all know a steeple's just a subconscious compensatory manifestation of a huge stiff penis -
Still He tells us that it's heinous
To stick a penis up your anus,
Even if you're famous,
Even if you're good at tennis.

So you're gonna live in Paradise
Witha ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins,
So you're gonna sacrifice your life
For a ride on a UFO,
And when the Lord comes downwith his big stiff rod of justice,
I'm gonna be the first to go,
He's gonna send me down below,
He's gonna whip me like a cotton-pickin' negro,
I'm gonna be the first to go.

Zitat

Wenn Du den Verstand zu weit öffnest, fällt´s Hirn ´raus...
oder
"Nehmen Sie meine Frau!"

Wenn mir jemand einen einzigen Psychodoc
in der gesamten Menschheitsgeschichte zeigen kann,
der - unter angemessenen experimentellen Bedingungen -
beweisen kann, dass er tatsächlich in der Lage ist,
Gedanken zu lesen...

Und wenn jemand mir einen einzigen Astrologen
in der gesamten Menschheitsgeschichte zeigen kann,
der - unter angemessenen experimentellen Bedingungen -
beweisen kann, dass er zukünftige Ereignisse durch die Auslegung himmlischen Zeichen erkennt...

Und wenn jemand mir einen einzigen Homöopathen
in der gesamten Menschheitsgeschichte zeigen kann,
der - unter angemessenen experimentellen Bedingungen -
beweisen kann,
dass unendlich kleine Mengen von irgendwelchem Zeug,
wiederholt in relativ großen Mengen von Wasser verdünnt,
eine höhere pharmazeutische Wirkung haben, als ein Placebo...

Und wenn jemand mir einen einzigen Anhänger einer Religion
in der gesamten Menschheitsgeschichte zeigen kann,
der - entweder logisch oder empirisch -
die Existenz einer höheren Macht beweisen kann,
die - in irgendeiner Form - Bewusstseinn für und Interesse an der Menschheit und die Fähigkeit zur Bestrafung und Belohnung moralischen Handelns hat,
und das es deswegen - abgesehen von der Angst - einen weiteren berechtigten Grund für die Annahme eines Jenseits in allen möglichen Vorstellungen gibt...

Dem gebe ich mein Klavier,
eins meiner Beine,
und meine Frau !